We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
