You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
