i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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