I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
