You're completely useless in the revolution.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Randomize
