i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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