Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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