You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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