When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Randomize
