I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
