that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
