coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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