I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
