Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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