My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
