and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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