i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
