i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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