god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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