ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
