I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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