Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize