I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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