I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
