why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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