you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
