I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
