He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize