He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
