hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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