every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
