At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
