Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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