I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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