So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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