Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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