That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
