the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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