And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
