You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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