I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
