like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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