Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
