dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
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