he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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