Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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