i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
