Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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