no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
