we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize