You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
FUCK WHALES
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
