my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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