you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
