winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
