I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
