I can tuck mytits in my pants
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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