i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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