I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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