Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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