yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize