Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
