That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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