I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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