he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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