my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
