i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
