hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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