Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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