he puts the penis in happiness.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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