i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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