I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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