Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
