I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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