you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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