I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
