Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
