Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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