was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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