Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
