I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
