Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
