Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
