I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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