Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
