So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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