it was like his penis was on wheels.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
And then he peed in my hair
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