perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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