Sry I called you an 8
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
