Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
