I will die if light touches me.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
